"Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil— and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death."
~Hebrews 2:14-18 (NIV)~
These two verses carry a lot of meaning for me, especially when it comes to my journey over the last couple of years which has been filled with breaking chains of bondage and replacing lies with His truth. As I was reading through a couple of commentaries regarding these verses, I stumbled across this comment:
“…Christ knew what he must suffer in our nature, and how he must die in it, yet he readily took it upon him. And this atonement made way for his people's deliverance from Satan's bondage, and for the pardon of their sins through faith. Let those who dread death, and strive to get the better of their terrors, no longer attempt to outbrave or to stifle them, no longer grow careless or wicked through despair. Let them not expect help from the world, or human devices; but let them seek pardon, peace, grace, and a lively hope of heaven, by faith in Him who died and rose again, that thus they may rise above the fear of death.”
~Matthew Henry, Bible Commentator
“Let those who dread death, and strive to get the better of their terrors, no longer attempt to outbrave or to stifle them…”
Well, that pretty much sums up what my plan of action has been most of my adult life…those things that hurt, fears of failure, not measuring up, not being enough, not being lovable or worthy of love, being wounded over and over by people that were supposed to protect me, feeling like I have to perform to deserve love…let’s just shove all of that (and plenty more) down as far as possible until I can’t feel it every waking moment, and when it creeps back up (which it always does), I’ll just ignore it, put on a brave face, and pretend it’s not hiding right under the surface. I can clearly say that this was NOT a good plan! It was a defense mechanism that allowed me to survive emotionally a lot of painful stuff in the short term, but I have paid a high price for avoiding those wounds and I’ve spent a lot of my life in bondage, with many regrets and largely doing life on my own at a heart level.
Having said that, the last couple of years have been a journey towards healing, exposing those wounds one by one, and allowing God in all His infinite love and mercy to unravel the intertwined messes that have encased my heart for so very long. It is not a fun road, but it is a freeing one, and I’ve been incredibly blessed to have had some amazing people around me throughout this process as well as some professional help. I have discovered a lot along the way, but probably the most important thing I have and am still learning is what it looks like to truly be rescued and loved by our Savior. And I don’t mean rescued in the sense of God getting me out of a bad situation, which believe me has happened more times than I can count. I mean being completely rescued…being brought out of the pit of seclusion and darkness…of woundedness and loneliness…understanding what it looks like firsthand to walk in freedom and in His light while finding rest in the shadow of the Almighty(Psalm 91:1-3)!
I can assure you that I haven’t arrived and this will continue to be a process for me for a long time to come, but I can also tell you as someone who has been there, Jesus didn’t become like us, experience all of our sin and pain, and die for us to remain prisoners in bondage. He came to set the captives free and to give us an abundant life that is full of more than we can ever even imagine (John 10:10)! He has broken Satan’s deathgrip and power over us and it’s now a choice we have to make to choose to walk in His freedom rather than giving Satan a foothold and handing over the power in our lives. It’s not easy, but it’s 100% worth it and I wouldn’t trade what I have found for anything!
“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed!”
~John 8:36~
