Unlikely Guests

I LOVE this time of year…the crisp leaves crunching under our feet, the cool air and mixture of bright sunshine and cloudy days…the building anticipation of the holidays just over the horizon.  At my house, the fall decorations are all up, the smell of cinnamon and pumpkin spices are looming in the air (thanks to my stock of candles) and I find myself thinking about what fun get-togethers I can come up with.  I love spending time with my girlfriends, whether we are getting together for a meal and conversation, having a baking or jam making party, a game night…doesn’t really matter to me.  I just love hanging out with other women, talking about real life and sharing a ton of laughs…and we laugh a lot!!  But we also share our hearts and our struggles and at times our tears.

As we head into this particular holiday season, I’m highly aware of a lot of hurting people around me… women struggling with health issues, families that are falling apart, marriages in distress, financial stressors, parenting struggles, churches under attack, relationships in crisis, depression, loneliness, and a whole lot of loss.  It can be overwhelming at times to think about all the pain that is being experienced by the women around me.  I’ve found myself asking how to help them…how to reach out and share God’s love and grace to these broken daughters of the King.

This morning I ran across a post in a blog that really spoke to my heart.  The author was sharing that like myself, she loves to plan events, get-togethers, and specifically parties for her kids and one of the things she and her children spend a lot of time working on is the guest lists for these various events.  Here’s an excerpt from her post:

“When my children and I make their party guest lists together, we prayerfully ask the Lord to put those on our hearts who would be blessed by receiving an invitation. Perhaps a friend who is not financially able to host birthday parties themselves. Or someone who is dealing with paralyzing emotional pain. Maybe someone whose parents are going through a divorce. Perhaps a friend who is shy and tends to be socially isolated. Or the one who has rough edges, is not easy to be around and doesn't see God's loving acceptance of them. The poor, the lame, the crippled and the blind.

Truth is, without Jesus and His redemptive love, we are all "the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind." Even in Christian circles, we can feel like the outcast or the unwanted guest. We've all experienced that "I wasn't invited" feeling. An invitation speaks of acceptance, inclusion, care, love, worth and friendship. God's Word tells us to extend invitations to unassuming guests.

The Lord of Hosts beckons us to come to His wedding banquet. As we unfold and accept His invitation, we are seated at the table of the King. Just as we are chosen by God to be guests of honor at His party, let's select unlikely guests and place them at the top of our own guest lists. You are honoring God by inviting the poor, lame, crippled and blind. "He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God" (Proverbs 14:31, NIV).”

~Sharon Sloan

http://www.proverbs31.org/devotions/the-guest-list-2009-11/

The holiday season is upon us and if you’re anything like me, there will be a variety of family functions, work Christmas parties, and get-togethers that I will be either attending or hosting.  But this idea of inviting “unlikely guests” speaks to my heart in a deep way.  It doesn’t matter how old we get, the human nature of our hearts desires to be accepted…to be loved…to be seen and matter to others.

So my challenge to all of us (myself included) is to reach out to the broken and hurting…to include the “unlikely guests” on our guest lists this season and to send them an invitation.  You don’t have to spend a lot of money to have a get-together.  Here are a few ideas:

1. Invite women to bring their Christmas cards or craft projects and spend an afternoon or evening working on them while enjoying some great conversation and some coffee/tea and cookies.
2. Host a game night and ask the ladies to bring a snack to share.
3. Invite a group of ladies to come over for a day of baking.  The idea is that each person brings a recipe or two and ingredients and once everything is made, each woman goes home with a little of each recipe.   Or…as a group you could put together goodie baskets, add a note of encouragement or a scripture, and give them out to others that are struggling or just need to be blessed.

Be creative and think about the woman that perhaps attends your church, but sits in the back quietly and leaves without interacting with others…or the single mom who is overwhelmed and struggling…or the woman who struggles with social skills, but desperately wants to be a part of the group.  Ask God to show you who you can bless in this way and then choose to be the hands and feet of Jesus in her life.

"Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it." 

~Hebrews 13:2

"...not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."
~Philippians 2:4

"And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased."
~Hebrews 13:16

Free Indeed

"Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil— and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death."

~Hebrews 2:14-18 (NIV)~

These two verses carry a lot of meaning for me, especially when it comes to my journey over the last couple of years which has been filled with breaking chains of bondage and replacing lies with His truth. As I was reading through a couple of commentaries regarding these verses, I stumbled across this comment:

“…Christ knew what he must suffer in our nature, and how he must die in it, yet he readily took it upon him. And this atonement made way for his people's deliverance from Satan's bondage, and for the pardon of their sins through faith. Let those who dread death, and strive to get the better of their terrors, no longer attempt to outbrave or to stifle them, no longer grow careless or wicked through despair. Let them not expect help from the world, or human devices; but let them seek pardon, peace, grace, and a lively hope of heaven, by faith in Him who died and rose again, that thus they may rise above the fear of death.” 

~Matthew Henry, Bible Commentator

“Let those who dread death, and strive to get the better of their terrors, no longer attempt to outbrave or to stifle them…”

Well, that pretty much sums up what my plan of action has been most of my adult life…those things that hurt, fears of failure, not measuring up, not being enough, not being lovable or worthy of love, being wounded over and over by people that were supposed to protect me, feeling like I have to perform to deserve love…let’s just shove all of that (and plenty more) down as far as possible until I can’t feel it every waking moment, and when it creeps back up (which it always does), I’ll just ignore it, put on a brave face, and pretend it’s not hiding right under the surface. I can clearly say that this was NOT a good plan! It was a defense mechanism that allowed me to survive emotionally a lot of painful stuff in the short term, but I have paid a high price for avoiding those wounds and I’ve spent a lot of my life in bondage, with many regrets and largely doing life on my own at a heart level.

Having said that, the last couple of years have been a journey towards healing, exposing those wounds one by one, and allowing God in all His infinite love and mercy to unravel the intertwined messes that have encased my heart for so very long. It is not a fun road, but it is a freeing one, and I’ve been incredibly blessed to have had some amazing people around me throughout this process as well as some professional help. I have discovered a lot along the way, but probably the most important thing I have and am still learning is what it looks like to truly be rescued and loved by our Savior. And I don’t mean rescued in the sense of God getting me out of a bad situation, which believe me has happened more times than I can count. I mean being completely rescued…being brought out of the pit of seclusion and darkness…of woundedness and loneliness…understanding what it looks like firsthand to walk in freedom and in His light while finding rest in the shadow of the Almighty(Psalm 91:1-3)!

I can assure you that I haven’t arrived and this will continue to be a process for me for a long time to come, but I can also tell you as someone who has been there, Jesus didn’t become like us, experience all of our sin and pain, and die for us to remain prisoners in bondage. He came to set the captives free and to give us an abundant life that is full of more than we can ever even imagine (John 10:10)! He has broken Satan’s deathgrip and power over us and it’s now a choice we have to make to choose to walk in His freedom rather than giving Satan a foothold and handing over the power in our lives. It’s not easy, but it’s 100% worth it and I wouldn’t trade what I have found for anything!

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed!” 

~John 8:36~

Never-Changing

 "But you’ll stay the same, year after year; you’ll never fade, you’ll never wear out." 

~Hebrews 1:12b (MSG)~

How encouraging are those words? No matter the circumstances, no matter how long from now, or how long ago...He is the same. His character is the same.

"For I am the LORD, I do not change; Therefore you are not consumed, O sons of Jacob."

~Malachi 3:6~

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever."

~Hebrews 13:8~

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning."

~James 1:17~

But I love the second half of verse 12b...

"You'll never fade, you'll never wear out."

That means there is no end to Him...AND...we can never wear Him out...despite all our attempts to test His love and His faithfulness, whether intentional or not, He will still be here and He'll still be the same...with the same love for us, the same gift of salvation, and extending grace and mercy beyond anything we can comprehend. It blows my mind to look back at my life and see how God has pursued me relentlessly, day after day, year after year, regardless of what I was doing, the lifestyle I was living...it didn't make a difference. No matter how much I change...no matter how far I've fallen, He's exactly the same...just reaching out His hand to me, wiping my tears away, and extending His unconditional grace and love and saying, "I love you, I will never let you go...let's start again. The cross is this way." No judgment, no running tally of my mistakes or condemnation...just "Let's start again." Wow! In absolute awe of who He is!

True Worship

"But the time is coming--it has, in fact, come--when what you're called will not matter and where you go to worship will not matter.  It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself - Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration."

~John 4:23-24~

I love this!  There are so many of us that often feel as if we're not enough, have nothing of value to offer Him, or that we are just simply too messed up to even do it right. But God simply wants us...exactly who we are, with all of our flaws and insecurities. He wants us to come as we are and worship and adore Him for who HE is...not focusing on what we are not or are lacking. In fact, it's in those moments of pure worship before Him that He often begins writing on the slate of our hearts..."I love you...You are my precious daughter...and I will never walk away from You."  And as we begin to believe that at a heart level, we have even more to worship and adore Him for.

The Cup of Suffering

I’ve been studying the book of John this summer, taking one chapter a week and this week we find ourselves in Chapter 18.  At this point in the story, Jesus had been preparing His disciples for the days ahead that would soon lead to His death and Judas has already betrayed Him for 30 pieces of silver that set a series of events into motion.  Now they find themselves in the Garden of Gethsemane with a group of Roman soldiers, accompanied by Judas on the scene with the intent to arrest Jesus and take Him into custody.  Simon Peter steps forward and draws His sword and cuts off the ear of the High Priest’s slave in an attempt to protect Jesus and interrupt what is about to take place.  But Jesus calmly commands Peter to put His sword away and then asks him a question.

“Shall I not drink from the cup of suffering the Father has given me?”

~John 18:11~

As many times as I’ve read this story over the years, I've never really paid much attention to this question, but it is most definitely one I have to process and let sink in this week.  Here’s Jesus, knowing full well what is about to take place and understanding the pain and suffering that He will endure as God’s plan unfolds, yet He doesn’t panic…He doesn’t try to fight it or demand justice…he simply acknowledges who He is and is content to let God’s plan play out.  I don’t know about you, but when I’ve been wounded or judged unfairly, I want to jump up and down and scream, “This isn’t fair!!  Where’s the justice in this?”  I want to take matters into my own hands and confront the problem or person and make sure that they know the truth and I want to fix it…like yesterday!

Unfortunately, it’s when I take matters into my own hands, that I usually end up in trouble and in a pile of sin because I forced the issue rather than accepting the “cup of suffering” that is part of God’s plan.  And no, it’s not always fair or fun, and yes, it is sometimes painful, and you just want to pull a “Simon Peter” move and let the other person have it because they’ve gotten it all wrong.  (Although I wouldn’t recommend slicing someone’s ear off, lol)

But here’s the thing…if Simon Peter’s actions had stopped God’s plan from unfolding, Jesus wouldn’t have gone to the cross, and where would that leave us?  Sometimes we can have all the rights in the world to react to a situation that is unfair and has wounded us, but if God has a different plan and we choose to ignore it and go our own way, we will likely miss out on what He wanted to teach us, bless us with, or use to touch someone else’s life.  It’s a difficult thing to hold our tongues, to lay those injustices down, and trust that God will take care of the rest of it in His timing.  Maybe He will address the issues in a short period of time, and maybe they will never be addressed, and we just have to accept that and know that God is sovereign, that He loves us, and that HE has a plan not to harm us, but to give us a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

As usual, God’s timing is perfect, and while I am so tempted to cry out for justice and “assist” God in revealing some things, LOL…I know that He’s asking me to lay it down and I want to walk in obedience with Him because as hard as that might be and as many times as I might pick it back up and have to lay it down again, I know that He will not abandon me, that He will give me all the things I need to do what He is asking,  and He has promised a great reward at the end of this journey.

Make Yourselves At Home

“Make yourselves at home in my love.” 

~John 15:9~

I don’t think I’ve ever read this verse in this version...what a powerful statement. But what does it look like to make yourself at home?

I have a small group of ladies that I meet with on a regular basis and just do life with. When they come to my home, they are all in my kitchen, they grab whatever they need, help themselves to whatever is in my fridge, wash the dishes that might be left in the sink…etc. They don’t have to ask, they know pretty much where everything is (especially Erika, who at one point re-organized my kitchen on my behalf, LOL)…and we pretty much do the same at their homes as well. We’ve been through some pretty rough stuff this year…worst nightmares coming to light, dealing with sin and dysfunctional relationships, a spouse with cancer, job changes, financial crises, death of loved ones, and through it all, we have rallied around each other, stepped up to help without judgments or disappointments attached, and just extended enormous amounts of grace and unconditional love. It’s all been something somewhat new to all of us on a very deep level over the last year and a half, and now that I’ve experienced it, I don’t know what I’d do without my girls. Mind you…we didn’t start out this way.

About 3 years ago, I started praying specifically that God would bring just a few ladies into my life that would be what I call my inner circle of core friendships…ladies that had my back no matter what and vice versa, that would challenge me and not allow me to become stagnant, and that I could just share my life with through the good, the bad, and the ugly. So after a little over a year of praying hard about this, God started to place some names on my heart. I didn’t know what it would look like and I didn’t want to be the “leader” although I was willing to get the ball rolling. Eventually I contacted all of them and we agreed upon a time to meet…no expectations or obligations…just kind of a let’s see what happens. We did meet and I realized that I was not alone in feeling awkward, scared to be judged, and terrified of sharing the real stuff that was going on. But then we met again…and again…and more and more walls and barriers began coming down…and here we are a year and a half later and not only are we still meeting, but we’ve added a couple of new ladies to our group and have been immensely blessed. It’s far more than I ever imagined, and I honestly didn’t even know that I needed all that I’ve been given until I experienced it.

Having said that, I think that this is similar in our relationships with God. Sometimes we compartmentalize our relationship with God and maybe without even realizing it, we give Him access to parts, but then withhold others out of fear of being rejected, being exposed, facing a lot of pain, etc. But making ourselves at home in His love, I think, requires a couple of things. One…we have to show up. It might be uncomfortable, and like the first night I met with the girls, none of us knew what to expect or how things would go down, but we started by overcoming that one moment of fear and we showed up bright-eyed and terrified, lol. We can’t begin to build deep relationships if we aren’t present. Secondly, we have to be willing to move from “knowing” that God loves us, to “believing” that He loves us. For me, that was a spot that I was stuck at for pretty much my entire adult life until the last year, and please understand that for most of us, that it is a process…at least for me, it took time, effort and some outside professional help to undo some things that I believed about myself and God that stood in the way of believing how much He truly loves me. But I can tell you, that when you get there, it changes EVERYTHING!! There’s nothing off limits, He knows it all anyways, and there is freedom in understanding at a heart level (not head knowledge) that we can’t frustrate God away…He doesn’t keep score and stand ready to accuse us over and over again. Instead, He loves us as His daughters and stands by with tender mercies, compassion, and tons of grace!!! (Psalm 103)

I believe that making ourselves at home in His love is just like any other relationship…sometimes it’s slow…we gain trust and give a little more…let a little more of our guard down…experience love at just a little bit deeper level, which causes us to want to take another step. We find that He is trustworthy and does have our best interests at heart, so we give a little more…that’s how deep relationships are built, right? Eventually we will get to the place where we aren’t protecting those certain “off limit” areas as much and although it’s still hard, we become more willing to invite Him into those places to work in our hearts because we believe that He truly does love us as His daughters and wants us to become more of who we already are and who He intended us to be.

Pleasing Others

Does anyone else in this forum tend to be a “people pleaser” or battle seeking the approval of others? Anyone tried to be the “good Christian” and make sure they did all the proper things, attend every service, make sure we were super involved in ministry, perhaps in an effort to impress God or to seek His approval?

My hand is raised HIGH on all 3 of those questions. But I love what Galatians 2:21 says,

“Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.”

“An abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God” WOW!! Isn’t that what we’re really seeking? Acceptance, grace, and freedom that is unconditional? Definitely an area that I’ve been working on for a while and even in my small victories so far, the change and the depth of my relationship with God has far exceeded anything that I received from trying to impress others.

Verse 20 says,

“It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me.” 

There is such freedom in that! This is something that I’m continually learning to embrace in a practical way. I grew up in a “performance-driven” environment where I learned very early in my life that my self-worth and value were directly tied to what I did and how well I did it. I spent so many years trying to earn the approval of others and that most definitely spilled over into my relationship with God as well. I didn’t believe that I was worthy of God’s grace and it was a never-ending battle to do enough to justify why He would love me.

But that is SO backwards. We cannot earn His love or His grace. It’s a free gift that has been given to us regardless of whether we choose to accept it and embrace it or not. I don’t have to perform...I don’t have to be perfect…I just have to be who I already am with all my flaws, my strengths, and weaknesses. His grace is sufficient for me in all of those things and it’s in acknowledging those moments of weakness and mess-ups in our lives that we can create real and transparent relationships with our sisters in Christ, not to mention that His power and glory SHINES!! (2 Cor. 12:9)

I offer up a challenge that I am taking myself.  When I find myself striving to please someone else, I need to stop, take a breath, and ask two questions.  1) Who am I seeking to please and why?  2) God, how can I please you in this situation?  In some ways it's an intentional choice to retrain my brain.  But if I can get into the habit of asking God to be the driving force behind each day, it will and is getting easier.